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Anyone Up For Army Jokes?

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First Id like to state I have nothing against the Army. I had a great grandfather, grandfather and an uncle in the Army and I hope to be a future 18D (Army SF Medical SGT). I just thought these were funny jokes. They are kind of long. Hope you enjoy.
JOKE 1:
C.R.A.P. – Command Reduction of Army Personnel
As a result of DOD budget cutbacks, we are forced to reduce the size of the force. Under CRAP, older soldiers will go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of lower paid soldiers who represent the Army’s future.
A program to phase out older soldiers via retirement by the end of the current fiscal year will be placed in effect. The program will be known as Retire Active Personnel Early (RAPE).
Soldiers who are RAPEd will be given the opportunity to seek civilian employment within the Department of the Army. To that end, RAPEd soldiers will be required to fill out numerous DA Forms (currently in the development, test, and evaluation stage) detailing their education and experience. This phase does not guarantee retired soldiers a civil service position; it does, however, guarantee that the soldier’s unique capabilities will be considered before being bypassed in the hiring process. This phase of CRAP is known as Survey of Capabilities of Retired Warriors (SCREW).
Soldiers who have been RAPEd and SCREWed may request review of their situation by higher authority. This is the Study by Higher Authority Following Termination (SHAFT) phase.
CRAP policy dictates that a soldier may be RAPEd once, SCREWed twice, but may be SHAFTed as many times as the Army leadership deems appropriate.
If a soldier follows the above procedures, he or she will be entitled to get Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance (HERPES). As HERPES is considered a benefit payment, any soldier who gets HERPES will no longer be RAPEd or SCREWed by the Army.
The Army leadership wishes to assure younger soldiers who remain on active duty that the Army will continue its policy of ensuring that soldiers are well trained through our Special High Intensity Training (SH*T) program. The Army takes pride in the amount of SH*T our soldiers receive and can boast that it gives its soldiers more SH*T than any other service.
If a soldier feels he or she does not get enough SH*T, see your commander. Your commander is especially trained to make sure you receive all the SH*T you can stand.
JOKE 2:
A marine recon platoon was on patrol when the lt. noticed a lone special forces soldier standing on a hill top in their area. The lt. told two of his men to go take out that man.
They promptly ran as fast as they could toward the sf soldier. Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The two marines followed. For the next few miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the sf soldier came up on the hill top. He brushed off his bdu’s, straightened his beret, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the marines.
The lt., pissed, called for a squad to go get that sf soldier. They promptly ran as fast as they could toward the sf soldier. Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The marine squad followed. For the next few miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the sf soldier came up on the hill top. He brushed off his bdu’s, straightened his beret, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the marines.
The lt. was really hot now. He ordered the rest of his platoon to attack the sf soldier. Determined that the recon was far superior to the one sf soldier they had blood in their eyes as they ran up the hill.Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The marine’s followed.
For many miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. It continued and continued. Finally there was one lone marine crawling back to the lt., all bloody and beat about the head and shoulders. His bdu’s were torn, cuts were all over his body. The lt. asked for a sit.rep.
The lone marine, bloody and beaten replied in a forceful and fearful voice “Sir, run, its a trick. There are TWO of them!!”
JOKE 3:
Two privates (who were roommates) were always getting into trouble. One day, while being marched up and down the drill field by their first sergeant as punishment for yet another infraction, the three came upon a lantern.
One of the privates pick up the lantern and rubs it. A Genie pops out.
“I will give you each one wish; that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie.
The first private says, “I want to be back in my warm dry barracks room, surrounded by beautiful women with all the pizza and beer I can handle.
*POOF* the first private disappears.
The second private says, “Good idea!” I want to be there also.” Looking at the