I Really Need Some School Appropriate Jokes For My Small Class Talent Show?
Filed in Category Small Jokes
Im in seventh grade and we are doing a little talent show in my leadership and i really need funny jokes appropriate for school to help my grade please help
2 Comments so far
Trying to find something funny in the absurdity of it all …………………….
The price of Gas versus Printer Ink
All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are….
You will be really shocked by the last one!
(At least, I was…)
Compared with Gasoline……
Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective to other things we buy.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 … $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ……….$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ….. $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ……… $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 …… $33.60 per gallon
Vick’s Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 … $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ……. . $25.42 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER…
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don’t even know the source
(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?
So they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at……………
(you won’t believe it… .but it is true……..)
$5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you’re at the pump,be glad your car doesn’t run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!
Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump…
And – If you don’t pass this along to at least one person,
your muffler will fall off!!
Okay, your muffler won’t really fall off…but, you might run out of toilet paper
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 …..$84.48 per gallon
—————–
Why? Why? Why?
Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That hurt, you idiot?’
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE…
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
At the end of the funeral service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out. When they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking the husband cries out, “watch out for the wall!”
Hope this helps