Want To Hear Some Hilarious Christian Jokes?
Filed in Category Christian Jokes
Centuries ago, God came down, went to the Germans and said, “I have Commandments that will help you live better lives.”
The Germans ask, “What are Commandments?”
And the Lord says, “Rules for living.”
“Can you give us an example?”
God says, “Thou shalt not kill.”
“Not kill? We’re not interested.”
So God went to the Italians and said, “I have Commandments…”
The Italians wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shalt not steal.”
“Not steal? We’re not interested.”
Next the Lord went to the French saying, “I have Commandments…”
The French wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”
And the French were not interested.
God then went to the Jews and said, “I have Commandments…”
“Commandments,” said the Jews, “How much are they?”
“They’re free.”
“We’ll take 10.”
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A priest and a rabbi are in a car crash and it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither one of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi says, “So you’re a priest. That’s interesting; I’m a rabbi. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace.”
The priest replies, “Oh, yes, I agree. It’s a miracle that we survived and are here together.”
“And here’s another miracle,” says the rabbi. “My car is destroyed but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink the wine and celebrate our good fortune,” he says, handing the bottle to the priest.
The priest nods in agreement, opens the wine, drinks half of it, and hands it back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes it and puts the cap back on.
“Aren’t you going to have any? asks the priest.
“Not right now,” says the rabbi. “I think I’ll wait until after the police make their report.”
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Two priests die at the same time and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, “I’d like to get you guys in now but our computers are down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as humans. What’ll it be?”
The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will you be keeping track of us, St. Peter ?”
“No, I told you the computer is down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you are doing. This week’s a freebie.”
“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.
“Will you have trouble locating them?” He asks.
“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the Rocky Mountains, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”
“Why?” asks the Lord.
“Because he’s on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska.”
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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calles it a poem, and they give him $25.”
The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $200.”
The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight men to collect all the money!”
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5 Comments so far
Hi your Majesty, these jokes explain were all the priests get there new Mercedes from every year ha ha ha
Snow tire somewhere in Alaska!! lol too funny.
Most excellent.
GOD BLESS and please keep them coming.
Thank you, it’s great to start the day with laughter.
Too cute!!!
there not funny