7 Comments so far

1. babyboom on November 1, 2009 3:43 am

   Why wouldn’t the Energizer Bunny come out of the bathroom?
   Because he kept goin! and goin! and goin!
   How did the Pillsbury Doughboy die?
   Yeast Infection
   Why are E.T.’s eyes so big?
   Because he saw his phone bill.
   What is a mermaid’s undergarment?
   Algebra
   How do you get holy water?
   You boil the hell out of it!
   Why aren’t there any WalMarts in Afghanistan?
   Because there’s a Target on every corner!

2. SmallVoi on November 1, 2009 3:48 am

   Hilarious news headlines:
   1. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
   2. Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use
   3. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
   4. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
   5. Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says
   6. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
   7. Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years
   8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
   9. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout Counter
   10. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
   11. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
   12. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
   13. Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy
   14. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
   15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
   16. Actual Headline: Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
   17. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
   18. If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
   19. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
   20. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
   DEFINITIONS:
   Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
   Income Tax: Capital punishment.
   Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.
   Kleptomaniac: One who can’t help himself from helping himself.
   Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation.
   California smog test: Can UCLA?
   ONE LINERS:
   Confusious say “boy without sibling, play with himself”
   Americans grew tired of being thought to be dumb by the rest of the world, so they went to the polls on Nov.21, 2008 and removed all doubt.
   Obama is going to impose a 40% tax on aspirin because it’s white & it works.
   A red ship & a blue ship crashed into each other…the passengers were marooned.
   Blondes lose 95% of their brain when their mate dies.
   For as long as I can remember, I’ve had amnesia.
   Tis better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
   A used car is not always what it’s jacked up to be.
   Hey, Honey, My hormones have really been cookin’ since I fondue.
   A robber broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats, and the police didn’t have anything to go on.
   A store keeper selling rakes, fell on hard tines.
   A snake at the zoo gave birth to a bouncing baby boa.
   Once I got angry at an Italian restaurant, so I gave them a pizza my mind.
   The fish secretary lodged herself in a pipe and could no longer type. Her doctor said, “This is a clear case of ‘Carp in tunnel’ syndrome.”
   A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
   I saw a guy go into a water tank at Sea World; but I don’t think it was on porpoise.
   Bedbugs have thier babies in the spring.
   Several rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously, makes up a receding hareline.
   A butcher accidentally backed into the meatgrinder & got a little behind in his work.
   Two aerial antennnas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. ..The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
   A set of jump leads walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.’

3. big buck on November 1, 2009 3:56 am

   Police Station toilet stolen….Cops have nothing to go on.
   Jesus loves you! But i think you’re a c*nt.
   I have friends who swear they dream in color…It’s just a pigment of their imagination.

4. GargVK on November 1, 2009 4:37 am

   Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!!!!>>>>>>>

5. The Main Event on November 1, 2009 4:38 am

   There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can’t.

6. Sami L on November 1, 2009 4:57 am

   Lol

7. War is Over [if you want it] on November 1, 2009 5:36 am

   What’s brown and sticky?
   A stick. =]